I don’t recall exactly the very first time I tried cellulite cream, but I recall quite vividly the article I read in a women’s magazine.

It involved the writer, and some of her friends, trying a series of products just out on the market that made claims to “noticeably reduce the appearance of cellulite.” I’d like to say I was young and impressionable, but in all honesty, I was old enough to know better. I’d already had my fifth child by that time and to be quite honest, I was battle-worn.

I thought the fact that I didn’t keep sodas at home or eat chips (wait, do Sun Chips count?) meant I ate healthily. Did it matter if I ate chocolate croissants with my Toffee Nut Latte if I ate my (real) breakfast first? Do calories from half-a-pan of brownies only count if someone sees you eating them?

I thought after having five kids I DESERVED a break!

I gained over 70 lbs. with my last two pregnancies. I was a stay-at-home Mom. Was it really that bad that I hoped and prayed I could rub cream on my butt, hips, and thighs and achieve the body of my dreams?  I mean, if it was published in GOOD HOUSEKEEPING or GLAMOUR it had to work, didn’t it?

I implemented my twice-daily regimen with excellent precision. I would be Sublime Slim’s next poster child for success!

As it turned out my local CVS carried my “gateway” gel on their shelves. I was ecstatic that they carried both a “day” and “night” version of my dream body in a tube. I bought one of each, eager to begin the process. Camera phones didn’t exist back then, but I’m sure if they had I would’ve snapped a “for-my-eyes-only” before picture. The directions on the package said I had to allow 15-20 minutes for the product to dry which meant I’d have to put it on before the kids woke up in the morning and after they went to bed at night. I was already exhausted and sleep-deprived, but I was determined to make it work.

Every day, for the next 6 weeks I would be diligent in my efforts! I did a pretty good job of staying on course, but at the end of the sixth week when I wasn’t any further along than when I’d started, I resolved to try again. If I could just do better, if I could just be more diligent, surely I would be successful!

When they came out with a patch you could wear, I nearly fell over myself in the store. Instead of walking around all gooey and sticky, waiting for the gel to dry, I could slap on the extended wear patches and sleep in them!!! It was PURE GENIUS! Not once, in all those YEARS (yes, I went from using it for 6 weeks to using it for 6 months, then being afraid not to use it) did it ever occur to me that my approach was ALL WRONG.

It seems simple to me now, looking back at who I was then, but at the time I didn’t see anything wrong with the way I was thinking.

That all changed when I made the decision to change my mindset and address my nutrition.

What I didn’t understand then about my own body, was that the changes I thought I saw had nothing to do with the gels or the patches and everything to do with what I put in my mouth. You couldn’t have convinced me of that though. I just knew that I desperately wanted to change my body and believed this gel was going to get me there.

When they started taking my product off the shelves (hmmm, I wonder why?) I’d go from store to store buying up what stock they had. When I could no longer find it in my area, I went online and bought it from “wholesale beauty suppliers”. I rationed it when my supplies ran low. I dropped down to using it once a day, but I would never give it up. Seven years later, I was still hooked on empty promises.

I thought the fact that I didn’t keep sodas at home or eat chips (wait, do Sun Chips count?) meant I ate healthily. Did it matter if I ate chocolate croissants with my Toffee Nut Latte if I ate my (real) breakfast first? Do calories from half-a-pan of brownies only count if someone sees you eating them

I still refused to believe that it didn’t work; after all, didn’t my skin look smoother?

The truth is obvious—it didn’t.

So I put those gels and patches and creams in the back of my linen closet and set out to change my lifestyle . . . I

• Got a check-up and addressed my nutrient deficiencies, which improved my mood and overall feelings of wellness
• Learned how the junk and crap food in my pantry were contributing to my low energy
• Learned how to break free from my cravings
• Discovered how to love myself and care for my body, not just exist in it
• Decreased my intake of alcohol
• Finally ditched high-calorie, sugary drinks
•  Increased my water intake
• Learned how to incorporate healthy eating into my busy lifestyle, including how to prepare Healthier Foods for my family
• Figured out how to navigate restaurants and dinner invitations with friends
• Developed strategies to help me learn healthy habits and behaviors that would last a lifetime
• Hired a trainer and learned how to lift weights

It did take time. I didn’t see results overnight, but I finally, FINALLY saw my body change.

It scared me.

Even though those products did nothing for me, even though I knew deep down that I was looking for the easy way out, trying something new was scary.

What if it was too hard?

What if I couldn’t do it?

What if I FAILED?

If I could spend almost SEVEN years trying to get magic from a tube, imagine what I could accomplish by actually changing my habits and behaviors.

I finally got the body I’d always wanted. MY OWN BODY!

It’s not perfect; I’ve got silvery stretch marks, stretched-out-from-big-babies skin, and (when I backslide or fall into old habits and behaviors) some dimply stuff on my backside that can rival the big ball at Epcot.

I’m encouraged though. I think I’ve kept these tubes in my closet as a sort of talisman, in case changing my life turned out to be too hard.

But I think it’s time to dig a hole in the back yard and kiss these tubes of empty promises goodbye.