Do you ever wonder why loving yourself is hard?

I mean really wonder?

Do you ever stop to consider the events in your life that make self-love and self-acceptance such a big challenge?

• Were you told that you were unlovable?
• Were you raised in an atmosphere where the people who were supposed to love and care for you, instead made you feel vulnerable and exposed?
• Was adolescence a stage you never recovered from?
• Do your beliefs come from a place you can’t identify?

If so, you’re not alone.

Making the transition from self-doubt, self-deprecation, and even low self-worth takes awareness and intention that many of us don’t even begin to recognize until later adulthood. Many times it’s a factor of maturing, but more often than not, it’s the process of having and raising children.

Investing in yourself and your wellness is one of the ways that you can begin to make a positive shift in your life that not only affects you personally but affects the people in your life as well. You may not realize it, but how you care for yourself, or whether you care for yourself at all, models for your children exactly how you feel about yourself, whether you verbalize those negative feelings or not.

As a mother of five kids, I didn’t appreciate this concept until my children became teenagers.

For better or for worse, I adopted this belief system that if I did not throw myself 110% into motherhood, I wasn’t a good Mom.  Although I was successful in my early Nursing career, after the birth of our third child it was evident that the costs of childcare for three kids would exceed my income at the time.  Although I was devastated to step away from my career when I was just hitting my stride, I decided that if I was going to be a full-time Mom, I was going BE a full-time Mom!

• Playgroups?  No problem!
• Gymnastics classes? You got it!
• Craft and activities?  I was on it!
• Trips to the park, the zoo, the Children’s Discovery Museums?  Of course!
• Teach the children how to use the potty, tie their shoes, brush their teeth, read a book, write their names and say “Please” and “Thank you”, all while immaculately dressed and perfectly well-behaved? Errrm…well…sometimes?

Side-note:  Can I just tell you how THANKFUL I am the internet did not exist back then??? I NEVER would have survived the PEER PRESSURE PEOPLE!

I stepped into this vortex–this black hole of expectation–and suddenly, I wasn’t ME anymore (at least not in the authentic sense).

Sure, I was in there somewhere and just like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, I had the power to find what I was looking for if I just stopped long enough and looked inside, but I convinced myself that it was easier to let the fulfilled, self-loving, in-touch-with-my-feelings, person that I had been just slowly fade away…

If you know me already, then you know my story.  I didn’t slowly come around to myself.  I didn’t have an epiphany while elbow-deep in diapers and nine loads of laundry waiting to be washed, dried, folded and put away. I didn’t gaze in bliss at the faces of my sleeping children and wonder how I ever lived without them…most nights I was too tired to change my clothes or brush my teeth (although I’m thankful every day that they were born)! I didn’t rediscover the essence of ME on a trip to the park, with the sun shining, birds tweeting and my brood of five joyously and obediently following in tow.

No, life doesn’t often present us with Hollywood versions of how the story ends.  In fact, life is messier than that!

I ignored myself:

• My wants…
• My needs…
• My desires…
• My dreams…
• Myself…
• My health…

Until I was driving down Hwy 101 with my youngest in the car and suddenly couldn’t make sense of the road signs.

It was one of the most terrifying things I’ve ever experienced!

But my story doesn’t end there.

In fact, it was just beginning.

I still didn’t see the value in caring for myself, at least not right away.  I was slow to act. I was slow to react.  In fact, it didn’t happen just once, it happened TWICE (the second time I was traveling through the Dallas-Ft. Worth airport and I couldn’t figure out how to get to my plane.

And while you might think that was my wake-up call, it wasn’t! I’d denied myself for so long, I couldn’t even see the obvious!

It wasn’t until one of my children came to me as I laid in my darkened bedroom feeling sorry for myself, to chide me for letting her down, and to remind me that I didn’t practice what I preached, that, THAT was my wake-up call!

Since then I’ve come to understand that when we care for ourselves we demonstrate to the people around us, that we value ourselves as human beings.  Just like when we care for our family by feeding them healthy and nutritious foods, we teach them that health is important, that what you put in your mouth does matter, and we establish early lifelong, healthy habits. We convey the message that self-care is necessary, that without it, we can’t be there for anyone–not even ourselves.

Think about the things that nourish your soul and recite them to yourself.

Daily.

Remind yourself of the things that make you who you are. Remember that those things make you special.

Do something small each day for yourself and watch how it manifests itself in your life and in the lives of those around you.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help, to need help, to demand help.

Above all, learn to love yourself, even if you have to start from scratch.

Remember that YOU MATTER!

There are people who are watching…and they call you Mommy.